


Assorted correspondences between Professor River Song and her husband

by queenhawke



Series: Assorted correspondences between Professor River Song and her husband [1]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Drabbles, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-06
Updated: 2015-07-15
Packaged: 2018-04-04 09:17:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 5,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4132126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenhawke/pseuds/queenhawke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The following is a collection of letters, emails, notes, texts, and other forms of communication between Professor River Song of the Luna University, and the Time Lord known as the Doctor. The collection was started by a former student of Professor Song, after the latter's untimely death in the Library. What began as a way of commemorating the life of this extraordinary woman, quickly became a study in her relationship with the mysterious Doctor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Foreword

**Author's Note:**

> This will basically be just a dumping ground for drabbles (but with a funky framing device yeahhh). I'll update whenever I have a batch of new ones.

_The following is a collection of letters, emails, notes, texts, and other forms of communication between Professor River Song of the Luna University, and the Time Lord known as the Doctor._ _The collection was started by a former student of Professor Song, after the latter's untimely death in the Library_ 1. _What began as a way of commemorating the life of this extraordinary woman, quickly became a study in her relationship with the mysterious Doctor._

 _During Professor Song's time at the Luna University, it was widely known that she was married, though not much was known about her husband. She hardly ever spoke of him, and when she did, she did not go into much detail. He did not live with her on Luna, apparently being a traveller and being, as Professor Song put it once, 'terrible at staying in one place for more than five minutes'. Despite this, their relationship seemed a happy one. On occasion he would visit, usually surprising her during one of her lectures, to her dismay. Witnesses say he looked to be in his late twenties, though the few who spoke to him assert that he must have been much older. Statements from these people reveal that, while the Doctor initially seemed youthful, his eyes hid a much older soul. Some students felt like they could instantly trust him, and confessed to feeling a strange desire to run away with him, despite only having talked to him for a few minutes, and despite often having various other commitments that would normally prevent them from just packing up and leaving. Only one student expressed feeling afraid of the Doctor, saying that his presence filled her with a sense of dread. She went on to say that she had told Professor Song about this, but that the Professor had simply brushed her off and said that 'he must have been in a bad mood, nothing to worry about'_. _2_

 _There is substantial proof that Professor Song's husband is the very same Doctor that she wrote her doctoral thesis_ 3 _on. If that is the case, then this Doctor is in fact the last of the Time Lords, an ancient species that was wiped out in the Last Great Time War. It would explain why the Doctor seemed so youthful and old at the same time, and would account for him not ageing. (It does not explain why Professor Song, who spent at least 50 years at the LU, both as a student and as a teacher, never showed any signs of ageing either. She herself always insisted that she was human, though it is of course possible that she lied about this.)_

_How the Doctor went from the subject of her studies to being her husband is not entirely clear, but that is where this collection comes into play. Though it does not explain everything, it does shed a light on their relationship, and provides an interesting insight into the lives of these two remarkable people._

_The contents of this collection were gathered through various means. Some were recovered from Professor Song's personal belongings, some were found by accident, some were sent in anonymously, and yet others were tracked down by Time Agents. As such, we have here an incredibly varied record of Professor Song's life. Of course, if the suspicions are true and her lifespan is longer than that of most humans, then we have only discovered the tip of the iceberg. Because of this, we encourage everyone who reads this to send in their own findings. We will keep updating this publication accordingly._

_The correspondences are not ordered chronologically, as many lack a reference to what year they were written in. Instead, they are sorted to give as much variation as possible: hilarious texts following tragic handwritten letters, romantic emails following angry messages, and so forth. It was decided that this best represented their tumultuous relationship._ _Additional information is given where necessary, though we mostly preferred to let the text stand on its own.  
_

_Lastly, this book could not have been made without the financial aid of the Lux Corporation. We thank Mr Lux for his generous donations and overall support._

* * *

 

 _1\. For a detailed account of the Library expedition, what went wrong, and the specifics of Professor Song's death, see Lewis Marsano's article_ “Silence in the Library: how a team of archaeologists gave their lives to save 4,022 others” _in_ The Lunar Times, _May 31st 5058, p. 4_.  
_2\. Full transcripts of these interviews can be found in the Luna University Database, at C:\opendatabase\project_rsong\transcripts\studentinterviews, files 001-119.  
_ _ 3\. See River Song's  _ “Doctor Who? An in-depth look at the man behind the myth”, Ph.D thesis, Luna University, 5018.


	2. Chapter 2

_A yellowed letter, dated May 17 th, 1864. Despite that date, the letter seems to be written with a blue ballpoint pen.The letter was found in the walls of Chapultepec Castle, Mexico._

 

Dearest,

Haven't got much time to explain, but I need you to come get me. Got kinda stuck in a prison in the 19th century. There are a lot of rats and they're looking at me funny. Gave them the cheese in my pockets (a fine brie, was sad to see it go), but I guess that wasn't enough. Anyway, they stuck me in here for theft and attempted murder, which is of course a silly misunderstanding. (Aside from the theft. It was a priceless jewel that was actually a Xandosian bomb, but try explaining that, and then try explaining that when it went off and completely destroyed the library wing of the castle of the emperor of Mexico, it wasn't actually your fault since the bomb was just on a timer and you absolutely did not try to assassinate the emperor.)  
They're going to execute me at dawn, and it's pretty near dawn at the moment so could you maybe pop by and get me out of here? Would appreciate it. I'm putting this message in the wall of the prison, I expect you'll find it when you're excavating the castle in... whatever year you're in right now. Hope you don't find it when you're a student. You had a habit of showing up at the last possible moment, it caused a lot of stress (these few grey hairs I have aren't just from age, you know).

Thanks in advance,

Your loving husband.

P.S. Bring some brie, I miss mine.

 

_A second letter was found next to the first, inside an envelope. Both the envelope and the letter inside were made of much more modern-looking paper. This one has no date._

 

Honey,

Here's the key to the prison. Knock yourself out. I'm putting this letter + key in the same place you hid your letter, only five years before you got there. I'd say don't forget to get rid of my letter because temporal paradoxes etc. but I already found it so I guess you didn't bother to do that. I'm sure you're wondering why I won't just come and rescue you, and the answer is I'm really kinda busy and honestly you can't keep relying on me to bail you out every time. This is why you keep companions around.

Sincerely,

Your mildly annoyed wife.

P.S. I hate brie.

P.P.S. I think they grey suits you.


	3. Chapter 3

_A scrap of paper found inside a 22 nd century monastery. The writing on the paper is rushed. There are a few inksplatters._

 

can't find the cables  
also being chased by a horde of robotic monks  
gonna look in the chapel but if they're not there either I'm calling it a day

\- R

 

_A second piece of paper was found in the chapel. The handwriting on this one is different from the first one._

 

Already checked here.  
Think maybe they might be in one of the crypts???  
Also can't you just shoot the monks.

 

_A third piece of paper was taped to the front of a crypt in the monastery's graveyard. The handwriting is the same as that of the first message._

 

tried to shoot the monks, made them angrier  
I'll lure them away from you, but then I'm going back to the TARDIS   
this hassle isn't worth those cables. we can live without unlimited access to all tv channels ever created

\- R

 


	4. Chapter 4

_Encrypted message, found in the database of a wrecked spaceship in the Neraxos nebula, circa 10023. Took twenty-two years to decode._

BIG PARTY TONIGHT. NEED A DATE. WEAR SOMETHING SLUTTY.

RS


	5. Chapter 5

_A letter encased in a red envelope. The stamp on the envelope depicts a hideous, starfish-like creature, with menacing teeth and a total of 73 eyes. Found by a civilian on the Mars colonies, in 5322, and subsequently handed over to the Department of Chronological Inconsistencies. A report from the Department links the image on the stamp to the Gnshal, a species which never truly existed after extracting themselves from the fabric of reality. In fact, the stamp should not exist either, as no one in the known universe could've created an image of a Gnshal, seeing as even drawing something that resembles this species would mean that it does exist in someone's mind, and the Gnshal were thorough enough in their wiping themselves from reality that this can never happen. How the Department was even able to write this down then is a mystery, though there is a fleeting mention of a young man in a bowtie who, according to him, was sent by 'someone... some high-up guy... you know the one' to help them out. Said man suggested they store the envelope in a secure vault, and never look at it again. His advice was followed, and the vault was not touched until 20 years later, when someone at the Department finally questioned why they listened to a man who showed up out of nowhere with no actual credentials. When the envelope was taken out of the vault and opened, it was revealed to contain a ring and a letter with only the phrase, 'Will you marry me?' on it._


	6. Chapter 6

_A note in a book about the fall of the second Ch'tis Empire._

 

For River,

Thought you might enjoy this. Half the information in this is inaccurate, but it's entertaining nonetheless. And I know how much you love those space lizards.  
Personally never cared for their hats.

X the Doctor


	7. Chapter 7

_A package containing a 20 th century Earth mixtape, and a note. The mixtape has only one song, albeit one that is 47 minutes long. The song has no lyrics, but the strange, ethereal music makes the listener feel content and loved. The note reads as follows:_

 

Hello River,

Amy says I ought to do something sweet, to make up for being, as she calls it, 'a right arsehole' the other day. She said mixtapes were romantic, though when I asked for songs she mostly suggested someone called Nicki Minaj, and I can't say I find her songs to be very appropriate. I mean, she's clearly very talented, but I felt like songs about snakes didn't really represent our relationship very well. I went for this song instead. It's Gallifreyan, and I had to do some impressive engineering to get it onto this tape, considering it's not supposed be played on regular Earth tech. Gallifreyan songs aren't just made of soundwaves, you know, they're made of _time_ waves as well. Each 'note' is designed to temporarily construct a timeline around you – not solid enough that you're actually transported back or forth or sideways in time, but so you get the general _feeling_ of that timeline. Think of it as a piano: when you hit a certain key, a little temporal hammer hits against a string of time, causing that string to vibrate and produce the sound of that time – except instead of sound it's emotions. So you could play say, the time when you were eating some delicious ice cream, and the 'sound' would make you feel happy. Or you could play the time when you fell and scraped your knee, and it would make you feel sad.  
Of course time isn't made of strings. And it doesn't vibrate, except sometimes it does but that usually means something bad. And there are certainly no hammers, because this music wasn't made on a piano, because pianos could never do this, it's extremely complicated and ancient Time Lord tech. But it's a good metaphor. Except it isn't at all, but when I tried explaining the specifics in detail to Amy she just sort of fell asleep.  
Anyway, what you need to know is that this is one of the last pieces of Time Lord music that exist in this universe. Most was lost in the War, and I don't have the skills nor the instruments to make this kind of music (I played some when I was young, but the only kind of emotion I seemed to be able to conjure up was 'mild disgust'), but luckily I happened to have this bit stored on the TARDIS. Sadly only 47 minutes and 22 seconds remain of the full original song, which lasted 33 years. I suppose that would've been too long for you to listen to anyway.

Hope you enjoy it!

The Doctor

 

_There's a smaller note stuck to the tape itself:_

 

I've never let anyone listen to this. It's one of the few things I managed to salvage from the War, and... I don't know, it felt private. Guess that's also why I wanted to share it with you.

 


	8. Chapter 8

_A chain of emails, sent through the mailing client of a large 21 st century company. Company name was redacted at their request, though we are unsure how they managed to contact us here in the 51st century. Still, we'd rather not get sued._

 

To: rsong@[REDACTED].net  
From: jsmith@[REDACTED].net  
Subject: CUTE CAT VIDEO!!! PLS WATCH

RIVER!!!! LOOK AT THIS IT'S UNBELIEVABLE!!!

<http://trashnerdd.tumblr.com/post/101930615443/im-using-rebeccas-cats-again>

  * John Smith (the Doctor)




 

* * *

 

To: jsmith@[REDACTED].net  
From: rsong@[REDACTED].net  
Subject: RE: CUTE CAT VIDEO!!! PLS WATCH

Darling, this is not what you're supposed to use the company email for.  
Also, it's just a cat going 'mrrr', it's not that special.

  * River Song




 

* * *

 

To: rsong@[REDACTED].net  
From: jsmith@[REDACTED].net  
Subject: RE: RE: CUTE CAT VIDEO!!! PLS WATCH

I KNOW THE 'MRRR' SOUND IS THE BEST THING CATS CAN DO  
And what else are we supposed to use the company email for???? We dont actually work here, we're just trying to dismantle this company from the inside out.

  * John Smith (the Doctor)




 

* * *

 

To: jsmith@[REDACTED].net  
From: rsong@[REDACTED].net  
Subject: RE: RE: RE: CUTE CAT VIDEO!!! PLS WATCH

Sweetie, you do realise they can look into our email at any time? Maybe not best to reveal our secret. While we're on the subject, don't put 'the Doctor' as your signature. You're John Smith, unassuming office clerk, not a doctor.  
Who names their cat Stormageddon, anyway.

  * River Song




 

* * *

 

To: rsong@[REDACTED].net  
From: jsmith@[REDACTED].net  
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: CUTE CAT VIDEO!!! PLS WATCH

It's alright, I've upped the security on our emails. They couldn't get in here if they tried. Also, everyone already calls me Doctor anyway. They just think I'm 'quirky'. That's what Emma said, anyway. She said it was adorable, which is good I think. She also thinks British guys are hot, though I'm not sure why she told me that??? Haven't quite gotten the hang of office banter yet. I just agreed but then she looked disappointed so maybe I did something wrong?????? Hope she won't tell the boss!!  
Also Stormageddon is a fine name.

  * John Smith (the Doctor)



 

* * *

 

 

To: jsmith@[REDACTED].net  
From: rsong@[REDACTED].net  
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: CUTE CAT VIDEO!!! PLS WATCH

There's a machine in the basement that's emitting this sinister green light. Gonna try to find out what it is. Maybe you could try to do something useful as well, instead of flirting with your coworkers? Would appreciate it.  
And please stop using that many question marks.

  * River Song




 

* * *

 

To: rsong@[REDACTED].net  
From: jsmith@[REDACTED].net  
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: CUTE CAT VIDEO!!! PLS WATCH

I'm not flirting with anyone!!!! Except you maybe ;)  
Although inter-office romances are of course strictly forbidden.

  * John Smith (the Doctor)




 

* * *

 

To: jsmith@[REDACTED].net  
From: rsong@[REDACTED].net  
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: CUTE CAT VIDEO!!! PLS WATCH

Got attacked by what I think might be office zombies. Think the sinister machine is affecting people's brains, turning them into mindless drones. Don't think anyone has clocked out here for a long time, seems they just go on working forever and ever. Saw a bunch thrown on a heap, completely burnt out. Shudder to think what they do with them after they've outlived their usefulness.

ALSO WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU

  * River Song




 

* * *

 

To: rsong@[REDACTED].net  
From: jsmith@[REDACTED].net  
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: CUTE CAT VIDEO!!! PLS WATCH

I'm working. Got a lot of paperwork to do. Gonna need more coffee to get through this haha :P

  * John Smith (the Doctor)




 

* * *

 

To: jsmith@[REDACTED].net  
From: rsong@[REDACTED].net  
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: CUTE CAT VIDEO!!! PLS WATCH

Oh for god's sake, they got you, didn't they? Okay, hang in there, I'm coming to get you.

  * River Song



 

* * *

 

 

To: rsong@[REDACTED].net  
From: jsmith@[REDACTED].net  
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: CUTE CAT VIDEO!!! PLS WATCH

Uh oh, sounds like someone's got a case of the Mondays!!! :P

  * John Smith (the Doctor)




 

* * *

 

To: jsmith@[REDACTED].net  
From: rsong@[REDACTED].net  
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: CUTE CAT VIDEO!!! PLS WATCH

DON'T YOU :P AT ME I'M TRYING TO DISMANTLE THIS GODDAMN MACHINE AND FREE ALL THESE PEOPLE INCLUDING YOU OHMYGOD WHY DO I EVEN BOTHER SENDING EMAILS ANYMORE

  * River Song




 

* * *

 

To: rsong@[REDACTED].net  
From: jsmith@[REDACTED].net  
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: CUTE CAT VIDEO!!! PLS WATCH

:P

  * John Smith (the Doctor)




 

* * *

 

To: rsong@[REDACTED].net  
From: jsmith@[REDACTED].net  
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: CUTE CAT VIDEO!!! PLS WATCH

I'm sorry, River, that was mean. Are you okay?? You sounded kind of stressed.

  * John Smith (the Doctor)




 

* * *

 

To: rsong@[REDACTED].net  
From: jsmith@[REDACTED].net  
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: CUTE CAT VIDEO!!! PLS WATCH

River??? Hello???

  * John Smith (the Doctor)




 

* * *

 

To: rsong@[REDACTED].net  
From: jsmith@[REDACTED].net  
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: CUTE CAT VIDEO!!! PLS WATCH

River there was a big explosion downstairs, are you ok???? My head kinda hurts :(((

  * John Smith (the Doctor)




 

* * *

 

To: jsmith@[REDACTED].net  
From: rsong@[REDACTED].net  
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: CUTE CAT VIDEO!!! PLS WATCH

next time, we're bringing cellphones

  * River Song




 

 


	9. Chapter 9

_Transcript of three videos sent somewhere around 9928, on the planet XFF-011-BN. Heavy radioactive storms corrupted the videos. An attempt at reconstruction was made, and succeeded, though large parts are still missing._

 

DAY 54 OF THE SECOND CIRCULATION  
THE YEAR 17:92  
ODYSSEY STATION  
HH-39 SYSTEM

TRANSCRIPT OF VIDEOS FOUND ON XFF-011-BN

 

FIRST VIDEO

[Video quality is extremely low, but between bursts of static a face can be seen. Looks to be humanoid, possibly male. Audio quality is slightly better, though still not very good. The exact location of where this video was taken cannot be determined, though it seems to be one of the mining facilities.]

 

MAN: Ri___ trying to ____ a message! Weather conditions ver__ unst___ can't find ___________ didn't even have _____ warning. Miners all dead, some kind of gas. [The man briefly looks behind him.] ____think so, anyway. Tried my best. Any luck on ____side? Thought I hear________sion _____ maybe____caught up in_________ dangerous! Knew this was a bad idea, but di____ listen? No, no, you h________ the hero! That's my job, you know! [A loud rumbling is heard in the distance. Lots of static. When picture returns, the man is standing further away, his back to the camera. He seems to be working some sort of control panel. Another burst of static, and then the man is back in front of the camera again.] Hav___o go! See you in______

 

SECOND VIDEO

[This video only has audio. It is unclear if it never had visuals or if this is due to the corruption from the radioactive storms. The voice on this video is different from the first one. Most likely female.]

 

WOMAN: ____cter, got your message! Thin_______ bad on my end, too. Three of the tunnel______ lapsed. Still two exits left, but air is getti__________ound a survivor. Broke her leg, though, can't ______ unl____ find som_____ equipment. Think I figured out wh______ this. Drilled too deep, hit a _________ of some kind, possib_____ or _________ sentient? Let's hope it isn't. Still haven't found_____ You were ri___ all my fault. I'm sorry, my love. [Her voice gets distant for a while. She seems to be talking to someone else, though the second person's voice cannot be heard. The woman's voice is barely audible, but the words 'leg' and 'rescue' can be heard a few times. After a couple of minutes, the woman's voice returns.] ____in a pretty bad condition, don't_____ make it. Debating whether or not to take her with me _________ slow me down, and will probably ____ anyway. Could leave her here, and __________ but what are the ch______ us being back in time? [It's silent for a few seconds, until suddenly a loud, eerie scream is heard.] What on____! [We hear rustling, and a panicked yell that doesn't sound like it belongs to the woman.] Hold on! Hold on, I'm______you! Don't move, don't____ It can't______ STAY STILL! DON'T__________ [Something heavy can be heard lumbering around, followed by the sounds of a fight, and a sickening crunch. Then, it sounds as if whatever was used to record the video is picked up, as we hear someone running. This goes on for a full minute, until the footsteps stop, and we only hear the woman panting.] _____some kind of animal ____ from beneath ____tunnels? Can't have been what they hit _______ too small, maybe ____ust a baby? [More panting.] God. [Panting.] Shouldn't____ dropped my gun, cou____ve saved her. All my fault. All my fault. [A few seconds of heavy breathing, then the audio cuts out.]

 

THIRD VIDEO

[This video is the most damaged of the three. Sound quality is abysmal, picture quality is barely worth talking about. Only two frames are clear enough to make out a face. Seems to be the same man from the first video, only now he appears to have suffered some trauma to the face.]

 

MAN: ________not _________ hav__ got any_____ visual__________lost. Mine almost enti__y __________ dead________ no word from_____________ight have sent ____ rescue team ________________ pointless, anyway. Everyone ______________s ___ ____________th________________River, I__________________ didn't___________ kill it. But y____________ explosives ______________________ twenty, possibly th_________ for now. Won't_____________ ancient ______________ awoken __________________ sorry _________ s _________ not your fault, not y_________________ we _____________________________ to go now, w____________ plea __________________ nothi________ do now ________________ please _____________ can't _______________ ve you, always. [The man seems to have left after this. The only sounds that can be heard through the static are a series of explosions, followed by strange, inhuman screams. After two minutes of this, the audio cuts out.]

END OF TRANSCRIPT

 


	10. Chapter 10

_What seems to be an interrogation of some kind, but with the questions missing. Date and location unknown._

 

  1. Song, River.

  2. None of your business.

  3. Don't see how that's relevant to anything at all.

  4. Can we just get on with this? This planet is going to be invaded in about two hours.

  5. Because they told me they would. Don't have a reason to doubt them.

  6. Daleks.

  7. Yes, those. And before you ask, it's because what you believe to be legends and fairy tales are actually real historic events.

  8. I was there.

  9. I'm a time traveler, obviously. You're a bit slow, aren't you?

  10. Oh of course, because when something is illegal, it never actually happens ever. People never break the law.

  11. Sure. Haven't broken any of yours, though.

  12. No, because I travelled _from_ the past, _to_ this time. Those laws were not in place 10,000 years ago. I haven't actually done any time traveling here. In fact, I've been a model citizen ever since I got here. Well, model tourist. Just passing by, really.

  13. You _could_ probably convict me, but a full trial will take time, and as I said, _you're going to be invaded in two hours_.

  14. I'm already in prison, anyway. But by all means, lock me up if it makes you feel better.

  15. Yes, you're very threatening, but all of this is distracting from the real issue, which is the invasion.

  16. Just check your satellites.

  17. Oh, have they? How mysterious. I wonder who or what could have disabled them.

  18. Twenty, twenty-five. Not the biggest fleet, but big enough.

  19. You don't stand a chance. Your weapons are mainly useful for fighting among yourselves. Not even your largest missiles could dent a Dalek dreadnought. You wouldn't even get past their shields. They have their weak spots, but as long as they're up there and you're down here, you're done for.

  20. Finally starting to believe me? How nice.

  21. Needed to see what your situation was, if you could fight them off on your own somehow. You can't.

  22. Oddly, it might actually being the ideal situation.

  23. Well, now you don't have to fight at all. Me and the Doctor will handle it.

  24. My husband.

  25. Wouldn't you like to know.

  26. Oh, he'll come up with a plan. And then the plan will inevitably fail, and then I'll come in and smack some sense into him. And then he'll just sort of wing it, which will probably result in him almost dying and me rescuing him from said almost dying. By the way, I'm in cell 4.

  27. Wasn't talking to you. Sweetie, I'll be done here in... let's say two minutes, tops. Actually, you don't even have to come in, their security is laughable. Wait for me at the back entrance.

  28. My husband.

  29. Which part of 'I'm a time traveler' did you not understand? You took my phone, and my vortex manipulator is busted right now, so I needed to contact him some other way. And I know you keep records of these kind of interrogations, so I figured I'd let myself get arrested so he can read these transcripts and know when and where to pick me up.

  30. You think you could've caught me if I hadn't let you arrest me? That's adorable.

  31. Well, I'm gonna need a ride since you lot haven't even gotten to commercial space travel yet.

  32. That Dalek fleet isn't going to destroy itself, is it? I mean, it might, but someone will have to give it a nudge. Honestly, when will they learn to not give their ships an autodestruct setting.

  33. Are we done here?

  34. Rhetorical question, actually. I have to go now, my husband is waiting for me. But it was a pleasure to speak with you. Thanks for the tea.





	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was gonna update this in batches of five or more, HOWEVER I feel like this one is big enough to stand on it's own so THERE U GO.

_This next entry is an odd one. It's a Twine game, essentially a choose-your-own-adventure story, except made on the internet. The game was posted anonymously, but it's safe to assume it was made by Professor Song's husband, the Doctor. Since the code this game was made in does not work on current browsers, we've recreated the game in the Luna University's own browser. Since such a game can't really be properly showcased in a book, we've only put the intro to the game in this book, along with a link for you to play the game yourself._

Hello dear,

Alright, I know what you're going to say: 'A Twine game? Really?', but indulge me for a second. Basically, I was trying to come up with a romantic anniversary present. Actually, I had a lot of ideas already (mostly involving dancing and/or various hats), but I thought I'd do something a little more... personal.

You asked me once if I ever felt like I had no choice in our relationship, like it was predestined, like I had to be with you to keep the timelines intact. I did, sometimes. I'm sure you feel like that sometimes as well, or you wouldn't have asked me that question. But I've come to see that that's not true, and I hope I can show you why. Through a silly little Twine game, because you know how terrible I am at actually talking about... all of this.

[Enjoy.](http://philome.la/jobeeart/spoilers/play)

 


	12. Chapter 12

_A letter encased in a dark blue envelope, addressed to 'River Song, Stormcage Containment Facility 4'. It was found in one of the secret vaults of the FBI, or Federal Bureau of Investigation, the domestic intelligence and security service of the United States of America, Earth. According to the FBI's records, this letter was found in a diner in 2011. The back of the envelope is marked as '2'. There are several stamps on it, none of them from Earth. Inside are two cards. The first seems to be typed out, rather than written. Card reads as follows:_

 

22/04/11  
16:30 MDT  
37°0'38''N 110°14'34''W

 

_The second card is handwritten:_

 

River,

I'm sorry. And thank you. For everything.

The Doctor

 

_4._ _It should be noted that, prior to this, we were not aware of Professor Song being incarcerated anywhere. We have contacted the Stormcage Containment Facility, but they were unwilling to release any information regarding the issue._

 


	13. Chapter 13

_A series of texts found on a smartphone that was found among Professor Song's belongings. Phone looks like a typical 21 st century piece of technology, but some research showed that it had been tampered with extensively. Phone seems to be able to pick up a signal everywhere, even in places where it should be impossible. The contact that Professor Song was texting is saved as 'Idiot', but it can be assumed that it is referring to the Doctor. For reading convenience, Professor Song's texts are in **bold**_ , _whereas the Doctor's are_ regular _type._

_It should be noted that the following exchange may be unsuitable for minors._

 

hey, u awake???

**I wasn't until you texted me**

oh sorry!! was just having some trouble with the flux capacitors, thought u could help me out

**...you're asking for my help? with the TARDIS? You're actually acknowledging that you have a problem and need me because I'm much better at fixing the TARDIS than you are?**

what

no

maybe

i mean i could do it alone obvs

**sure**

but i know u like to help

**wait did you just say 'obvs'**

or show off, more like

whats wrong with 'obvs'????

**nothing**

**just that you type like teenage girl**

whats wrong with teenage girls????

i had a teenage girl for a granddaughter once she was great

tho ofc gallifreyan teenagers are more like forty

but semantics

**guess I should be grateful that you type like a teenage girl from the 2010s, and not one from like, 2005**

**so you're not tYp1ng l1k3 tH1s**

**that was a strange time**

**anyway what's wrong with the flux capacitor?**

nothing

i mean everything but

i can fix it nothing is going to explode

**hmm**

seriously!!! i can fix it on my own its fine

but i mean if u wanted to give me a hand thatd be cool

**oh sure I could give you a hand**

great bc im kind of tied up right now

**is that so**

yeah there's a lot of wires and things so its kind of hard to do it alone

**I can think of a few other things that are hard ;)**

what

**wait no that's your line**

**uh**

what was that ;) for

**I was winking at you**

**also what are you wearing**

clothes??? what?? how is this relevant

**hmmm, jacket off, rolled-up shirtsleeves?**

well yeah

**goggles? toolbelt?**

yes?? what is this, safety inspection??

**just trying to imagine you there**

**all sweaty and covered in grease**

there's no grease actually?? i keep a very clean TARDIS

**but wouldn't you like to make it a little dirtier? ;)**

no??

river are u coming here or not

**oh I'm sure I'll be coming very soon**

river

river is this a sex thing

**well, you're catching on quicker than usual**

**would you like it to be a sex thing?**

i??? dont know?? im kind of busy trying to keep my ship from exploding??

**you always work better under pressure**

**and I know you love the risk**

**all those times you pushed me against a wall while we were being chased by monsters**

RIVER

**snogging me in the midst of battle**

I WOULD NEVER

**feeling me up in an underwater base while aliens were pounding on the doors**

NO!!!!

**and speaking of pounding**

STOP

STOP RIGHT THERE

**you have a kink, is all I'm saying**

DO NOT

**you do, sweetie**

**no use denying**

**it's nothing to be ashamed of**

**adrenaline is a very powerful aphrodisiac**

IM NOT LISTENING IM TRYING TO FIX MU SHIP

MY*

I CANT EVNE TYPE ANYMROE BC OF U!!!

**getting a bit excited are we?**

NO

ITS JSUT HOT IN HERE

**really ;)**

STOP

WTIH TH E WINKY FACE

**if it's so hot, maybe you should take off some clothes**

IM

fine

im fine

**you know, it's getting kinda hot here too**

**plus stormcage is always so humid**

**I might take my top off**

i think the thermic regulators are broken actually that must be it

**should maybe take my trousers off too**

thats fine

u do that

its a free world

universe

**still really hot though**

multiverse

**best take my bra off**

RIVER BRAS HARDLY COUNT AS CLOTHES

ITS JUST SOME BITS OF FABRIC AND SOME WIRE THATS NOT GONNA MAKE IT LESS HOT

**you're right, if anything it makes it more hot ;)**

**anyway it's a free world, like you said**

**honestly I tend to sleep nude anyway**

sdg

s

**what was that?**

nothign

minor explosion

what if a guard sees u tho???

**oh gosh what if**

**I guess someone would have to cover my body**

**with their own body**

**you know**

**to keep the guards from seeing it**

HMMM

**I mean it would be very awkward**

**if I was just lying here**

**naked**

**sweaty**

**lonely**

**and a guard came along**

**a very handsome guard maybe**

**and there I am, waiting for my dear husband to save me from this uncomfortable heat/extreme loneliness**

**and he just won't come**

**well**

**one might get tempted to just**

**take matters into their own hand**

**hands are such useful things, don't you think**

**of course, they are a poor substitute for a lover's touch**

**but what can you do**

**when your husband is making you wait**

**actually**

**sweetie are you still there**

**doctor?**

**helloooo**

**did I break you**

**or did you break the TARDIS**

**it's the latter isn't it**

**for god's sake**


End file.
